Contrary to at least one blogger’s opinion, I do not run a pimp service. However, as a special service to friends and acquaintances, Sage will occasionally write reference letters and want-ads for those trying to improve their lives. As Murf is having problems making and keeping female blogger friends, I decided to once again offer my services. Last year, I wrote her a reference letter that got her blackballed from all universities and community colleges in the Midwest. We’ll see what will happen now.
Wanted: A Murfmate
A member of the fairer sex is needed as a Platonic virtual-friend for Murf. The ideal candidate will have thick skin that can withstand darts tossed over the internet; in other words, she must be one tough broad. The ideal candidate should be able to answer a ton of questions that often come in the predawn hours of morning (Murf goes to work with the roosters). Yet, she must be humble enough not to upstage her friend Murf. Murf always gets to take the best shot at her other blogging friends who, at the present, include Ed, S, Snake Eater, Tim, Kevin, the Wendy boy and of course Sage (whose blog you're reading). Flirting with Murf's blogger friends is a serious faux pas and may cause the friendship to be terminated immediately.
It helps if the candidate enjoys ravioli and spaghetti-o’s, fresh out of the can, followed by a course of Cheetos and a diet soda. She must tolerate 19th Century Chic-lit, sappy movies, and think it’s normal to treat a dog as a child. Knowing that Saturn is more than a planet and that a Maple Leaf isn’t just something to rake is also helpful. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you don’t rake your yard. Such unneighborliness will cause Murf to go into a lecturing mode and has the possibility of fueling a war between Murf (the raker) and Ed (the rakeless).
Murf is Michigan native. She bleeds blue and yellow (the other half of the native population here bleeds green and white). Like an apple, she’s not fallen far from the tree. She’s a fair-weather gal. She prefers to stay inside during inclement weather and to make fun of those who do otherwise. She goes to the gym (or at least was still going two months after making her New Years resolution). She is married to Big A and one of the advantages of being a friend of Murf is that she'll have her husband look out for your bag when you fly through Metro-Detroit (you can't get that kind of deal from Triple-A).
Those interested should submit their Curriculum Vitae to the selection committee (c/o this blog). After proper scrutiny, we’ll refer you to a mental health provider in your area to deal with your obvious masochism.