Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Helping out a friend in need...

Contrary to at least one blogger’s opinion, I do not run a pimp service. However, as a special service to friends and acquaintances, Sage will occasionally write reference letters and want-ads for those trying to improve their lives. As Murf is having problems making and keeping female blogger friends, I decided to once again offer my services. Last year, I wrote her a reference letter that got her blackballed from all universities and community colleges in the Midwest. We’ll see what will happen now.

Wanted: A Murfmate

A member of the fairer sex is needed as a Platonic virtual-friend for Murf. The ideal candidate will have thick skin that can withstand darts tossed over the internet; in other words, she must be one tough broad. The ideal candidate should be able to answer a ton of questions that often come in the predawn hours of morning (Murf goes to work with the roosters). Yet, she must be humble enough not to upstage her friend Murf. Murf always gets to take the best shot at her other blogging friends who, at the present, include Ed, S, Snake Eater, Tim, Kevin, the Wendy boy and of course Sage (whose blog you're reading). Flirting with Murf's blogger friends is a serious faux pas and may cause the friendship to be terminated immediately.

It helps if the candidate enjoys ravioli and spaghetti-o’s, fresh out of the can, followed by a course of Cheetos and a diet soda. She must tolerate 19th Century Chic-lit, sappy movies, and think it’s normal to treat a dog as a child. Knowing that Saturn is more than a planet and that a Maple Leaf isn’t just something to rake is also helpful. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you don’t rake your yard. Such unneighborliness will cause Murf to go into a lecturing mode and has the possibility of fueling a war between Murf (the raker) and Ed (the rakeless).

Murf is Michigan native. She bleeds blue and yellow (the other half of the native population here bleeds green and white). Like an apple, she’s not fallen far from the tree. She’s a fair-weather gal. She prefers to stay inside during inclement weather and to make fun of those who do otherwise. She goes to the gym (or at least was still going two months after making her New Years resolution). She is married to Big A and one of the advantages of being a friend of Murf is that she'll have her husband look out for your bag when you fly through Metro-Detroit (you can't get that kind of deal from Triple-A).

Those interested should submit their Curriculum Vitae to the selection committee (c/o this blog). After proper scrutiny, we’ll refer you to a mental health provider in your area to deal with your obvious masochism.


  1. LOVE it and you answered something that I recently wondered...Canadians refer to resume as a CV and I was trying to remember what that stood for.

    I gotta work on that flirting thing. I didn't realize that was so obvious. :-)

  2. I never realized being a virtual friend to Murf took such a wide range of virtues. I almost feel saintlike for remaining a virtual friend.

  3. I keep telling people that they are blessed to know me and it sounds like you guys are finally understanding. :-)

    Also, Sage failed to mention one of the tests of a true Murfmate: she must be able to walk 20 yards while it is sprinkling without an umbrella.

  4. yer a nut, sage! {grin}

    went over and said "hi" to murf! :+)

  5. Sage, your ad is having the opposite effect, I think. I'm getting pity visits. ;-)

  6. I hate umbrellas, so maybe I qualify......LOL

  7. Murf, glad you enjoyed it... So far only pity visits, I haven't received and CVs (but they take time to prepare)

    St. Ed, I'm sure if you get to feeling too holy, Murf will bring you down a notch

    Karen, calling me a nut is the most endearing thing you've said to me!

    Kengu, I didn't realize that you (and Murf) have a thing against unbrellas. I'll have to remmeber that for the future!

  8. Sage remind me to never ask you to write a reference letter for me. If I do, call the doctor I'm off my meds!!

  9. Wonderful resume! ;) And great writing! :)

    I like your sense of humor, Sage.

  10. Spaghetti o's with the little hot dogs? Yummy. Thank goodness for little kids. I can buy a can or two and blame my dirty little secret on them....

  11. Pat, for you, I'd have to write a resume in the form of a poem

    Ms Dark, do you lick the orange gunk off your fingers or whip your hands on your pants?

    Tim, are you in need of my resume talents?

    No Doubt An Angel, I know one kid (who's growing up too fast and is very picky in what she eats) who want touch them.

  12. Wow that is a lot of requirements. Let's see.....I'm very thick skinned. Actually I could care less what others say about me. At least in the real world that is the way I've lived.

    I like Cheetos and tend to wipe them on my pants often being embarrased to find orange stains there while out in public. But I won't touch Spaghetti O's (or anything processed like that for cans)....

    And I try my hardest not to let my natural flirting instincts flow through to my blog friends since hubby could scold me!

    And I'm NOOOOO angel!

    Maybe Murf and I would get along...I enjoy all the mean things she says about you.

  13. Deana reminded me of my other New Year's Resolution...to be nicer to Sage.

  14. Deana, Congratulations, it sounds like you might fit the bill!

    Murf, I'm sure you made that resolution with fingers crossed

  15. Deana's on probation until she answers the umbrella question. ;-)

  16. My husband disappoints me in that he has to have an umbrella for the slightest bit of rain. I tell him he is a wuss. Actually I use the P word but refuse to use it here on Sage's nice blog.

    I love the rain and rarely carry umbrellas. I tend to do better running on my own in downpours than opening the door, opening the umbrella then getting to the door, closing the umbrella.

    I am a no umbrella kinda carrying girl....

  17. Ok Deana, you win, when I get some time, I'll start looking for a mental health provider for you.

  18. I did visit murf once but I thought maybe she wasn't keen on female blogger friends..:D

    Obviously, one of us is mistaken..the big question is who.

  19. Sage, it would be interesting to see what kind of resume you would write for me. :)

  20. Gautami, you ask good questions!

    Tim, I think I'm better with reference letters than resumes--what kind of job would you like me to recommend you?

  21. Hi sage. I used the wrong word when I said resume; I meant reference letter. However, let me get back to you hopefully in a couple days. My fiancée is keeping my schedule wonderfully full. :)