Murf's Reference for Graduate School

Last week, Murf asked for references for grad school. I've written a lot of references in my day, but this one was particularly fun. I spent my lunch time in a coffee shop thinking of all the endearing things about Murf that I might share with her Inquisitors, (aka, graduate selection committee).


July 6, 2006

To Whom It Will Be a Concern:

I beg you to accept Murf into your graduate school. Put your prejudices aside and ignore the blue coloration of her skin, and give her a chance to study in your hallowed halls. I assure you that you and your school will never be the same and that this will mostly be for the good. I’ve known Murf for nearly a year, although we’ve never met in person (only through the internet). However, the internet provides better insight into her quirky side than you’ll find from other, more normal, references. From my observations, Murf is quick witted. She isn’t afraid to challenge right-winged bloggers and stands tall to all other women, especially those whose dresses are sized in the single digits. She may come across a tad bit jealous, but me thinks this is because she cares deeply and wants to protect her male friends who see better than they think. Sometimes she has a god complex, handing out angel wings (an act of grace) and then retracting them (equivalent to banishing someone in hell) when she thinks the recipient isn’t living up to her standards. Sometimes she’s keeps gnawing on the same bone. This has the capacity to just drive me nuts, but it’s all in her desire to arrive at the “truth.” In general, think of Murf as your “kinder, gentler psychopath.”

Murf is also a great proofreader. I’m sure she’ll turn in a proper, although slightly unorthodox, thesis complete with crossed “t’s”, dotted “i’s” and subjects and verbs in general agreement. It’ll probably be funny which, when you think about it, may mean her thesis will be read instead of collecting dust on the shelves of your hallowed library. She’s also a great teacher, directing me over the phone through the steps necessary to put links into the sidebar of my blog. I would say this showed a humanitarian effort toward a complete computer nincompoop, except that she admitted her fetish for southern accents.

Murf comes from good solid stock and, as they say, “the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree,” which in her case means she lives in the same house she grew up in. However, it’s rumored that she and her husband, in a recent remodel of her childhood home, constructed a black walled playroom in the basement. She got through this project without going to divorce court and while keeping her husband from going no more than 200% over budget (this feat demostrates her managerial abilities). As for the true purpose of this room, I'll leave that to your imagination.

One piece of advice, I’d keep her away from men in uniform, men with balding heads, men from Canada, men who play hockey, and men from the South. Actually, Murf would probably do well at a Catholic girls’ school, except that she hasn’t been able to find any with graduate programs.

Good luck, you’re going to need it if you accept her.

Sincerely,

Sage