Friday, April 28, 2006

An Interlude: Engineer Jokes

I've tried several times to post a picture here, one of mountain laurel blooming on the Appalachian Trail, but blogger just don't seem to like me and my pictures today.

It’s a nice spring day, but if it’s like the last couple it won’t stay this way. By the afternoon, my head will be pounding as my sinuses react to the pollen in the air. Sometimes spring can be a much more beautiful season in pictures than real life! I need to finish up some posts, but in the interlude, thought I’d post a few engineer jokes in honor of Ed Abbey who admitted in a comment on my previous post that he watches wrecks in stock car races to see how the cars hold up and, most of the time, keep the drivers safe. So enjoy…


A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were sentenced to be executed by the guillotine. The executioner asked who wanted to go first and the priest volunteered. Then he was asked if he wanted to be placed faced down toward the ground or faced up looking toward the knife. As a devout man who had done much good all his life and who had great faith, he said, I want to look up toward heaven. The executioner consented. He was placed in the machine and the lever pulled and the knife came slicing down only to get stuck right above his neck. Everyone thought it was a sign from God and they let the priest go.

The doctor volunteered to go next and said he too wanted to look toward heaven. Again, he was placed in the machine, the lever was pulled and the knife came slicing down only to get stuck right above his neck. Again, everyone assumed it was God’s intervention and he was set free.

The last person that day to face the guillotine was the engineer. He too said that he’d like to look up toward heaven and was placed in the machine in such a manner. Then, right before they pulled the lever he said, “Hey, I think I see your problem…”
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Three engineers and three lawyers were taking a train to a convention. The engineers each brought a ticket, but only one of the lawyers brought a ticket. This shocked the engineers and they asked how they were going to get a seat without a ticket. "Don’t worry, we’ll show you," the lawyers said. As they got into their car, the three lawyers all piled into the same bathroom. When the conductor came by, he rapped on the door asking, “Ticket please.” One of the lawyers slipped his hand out and handed him the ticket. It was punched and after the conductor made his way through the car, they left the bathroom and two of the lawyers went up to the lounge car to ride out the trip.

Thinking this was pretty neat; the engineers decided they’d just buy one ticket between the three of them on their way home. But this time they were even more surprised when the lawyers didn’t buy any tickets. They all got on the train and immediately the three engineers got into one bathroom and the three lawyers into another. The one of the lawyers left the bathroom and knocked on the engineer’s bathroom door, saying, “Ticket please.”

23 comments:

  1. Hilarious!! Here's another one for you...

    An engineer was walking down the road when a beautiful blonde on a bike came riding toward him. She hopped off the bike and immediately tore off all of her clothes and said to him, "Take whatever you want from me!" To the blonde's surprise the engineer rode off on her bicycle. Another engineer friend saw this engineer and asked where he got the bike, so he told the story. "Very smart," said his friend, "the clothes probably would have been too small anyway!"

    Here from Michele's ;)

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  2. Fortunately, engineer jokes are few and far between. Probably the reason I chose it over being lawyer. Thanks for the jokes!

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  3. Um....why am I not understanding that last one?

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  4. thanks angela. I collect these jokes for my brother who's an engineer.

    Ed, I'm glad your not offended.

    Murf, if I explain it, it won't be funny... but I'll explain it anyway. The lawyer took the engineers ticket and went back into the lawyer bathroom, to hand the ticket to the conductor. When the conductor got to the engineers bathroom, they were ticketless. As to what happen to the engineers, I suppose the conductor called the railroad bulls who booted the engineers off the train, maybe even while crossing a trestle.

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  5. Are bathrooms in trains large enough for three people?

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  6. One of my recurring nightmares involves a train. I still get a little nerves when even near a track.

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  7. Murf, maybe they were small lawyers and engineers, or at least close friends. Or maybe they used the handicap stall. Does your train phobia have anything to do with bathrooms?

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  8. Since I've never been on a train before, I don't think so but I do have a preflight ritual so that I don't have to use airplane bathrooms. Should I work on developing one for trains?

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  9. I keep forgetting...I like the index page that you created. Very nicely organized.

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  10. I've read that airline bathroom one before, only with Northerners and Southerners :)

    Nah..I'm definitely not an engineer.

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  11. Very funny! My lawyer daughter and engineer son-in-law will both get a kick out of them!

    Here via Michele tonight!

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  12. Funny! And what's even funnier and in a way stranger, is, I just saw the second joke on another blog yesterday! I have never heard or seen a joke about engineers before, to my memory! How bizarre is that?

    Here from Michele tonight and happy to be here, I might add.

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  13. Very funny....Plz hold all your accountant jokes till I graduate :)
    Murf your SP figure rocks, where's mine? I don't have a fear of trains but I do have a fear of public toilets. Unfortunately almost all the flying I do is 14/15 hr flights :(

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  14. *L* yup, sounds like most of the engineers I know....and lawyers

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  15. Murf, if you're taking a long distant train, a pre-ride ritual probably won't help. When I finish my index page, I'll post it in the sidebar. It would have been much easier if I had dont it a year ago!

    Poopie, let me clear this up for Murf. The Southerners were the lawyers, the Yankees were the engineers, right?

    Kenju, there should be a joke about a lawyer and engineer nupitals.

    Old Lady, maybe people are so tired of lawyer and blonde jokes that engineer(and soon to be accountant)jokes are the new thing.

    Murf: Daydreamer wants a South Park figure--maybe one with a calculator (or at least a pencil behind her ears)

    It's a pleasure to meet you Mallory!

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  16. Michele set me back this morning, Sage, and I still love the jokes!

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  17. Don't accountants use pocket protectors too?

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  18. Murf, yes, I think accountants and engineers are the two groups of people who use poctect protectors (I just get pencil marks on my pockets)...

    Maybe an abacus?

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  19. Hey guys,
    I like the pocket protector idea ;)

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  20. I think that at least 3 other bloggers have mentioned trying to post photos and having no luck. I could post them with no problem. Maybe blogger was having trouble in certain areas of the country??

    Michele sent me back, this time.

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  21. LOL Like Naomi said above, that bathroom joke was on a blog last week. I'd never seen it before and now twice in a week. Weird!

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  22. Daisy, the interesting thing about this joke over at Utenzi's blog is that it's accountants (instead of lawyers) that take the engineers. Catch that Daydreamer? He's got a lot of jokes in that post.

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  23. Caught it, Sage. Might have to pack up my pocket protector & head over to have a look ;)

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