Friday, October 12, 2007

A 3-WW and a Parody of the News

Bone's Three Word Wednesday assignment for this week is to write a story using the following words: Knock, Weather and Initial. The weather has turned cold here, but not yet cold enough! I’m dreaming of winter as my 3WW shows…. I’m also dreaming of a work slow-down, but that doesn’t seem to be on the short-term horizon. Yet, things are exciting and going well, I just ain’t having enough time to write what I want to write! Neither am I getting around to other blogs like I want. But I still think of you all and will try to get there soon!
The weather had turned cold quickly as the winter’s initial storm moved in. When I got home from work, I headed out to the woodpile and began to haul wood up onto the back porch. After a couple of trips, the sky darkened and began to spit rain. Retreating inside, I filled the tea pot and put it on a burner and then brought in an armload of wood from the porch and prepared for a fire in the hearth. Under the wood, I placed some loosely crumbled newspaper and a few pine cones. Lighting the fire, I went back into the kitchen and fixed a cup of tea. By the time I came back into the living room, the fire was blazing. I put on a George Winston CD, picked up a couple of books and plopped down on the floor in front of the fireplace. I reclined, leaning against the couch with my feet stuck out toward the warmth of the flames. My dog joined me, laying beside me with his head resting on my thigh. I picked up a book and read a few pages and then closed my eyes and napped. I was lost in another world when the dog raised his head and barked. Then came a knock at the door.

A Review of the News
Politically incorrect reporting by Nevada Jack

Yesterday, the Nobel Peace Prize was awarded to Al Gore. This award is causing great distress amongst many in the current administration.

“Why does he get the prize?” President Bush shouted at a recent cabinet meeting, “The people elected me.”

“Well, actually, Mr. President, the Supreme Court elected you,” Dead Eye Dick Chaney responded. “But don’t worry about it, Mr. President. “What do you expect from a nation that has a national bikini team?”

“Actually, the bikini team comes from Sweden and was created only to advertise beer,” Condi Rice corrected Chaney.

Unfazed, Chaney quipped, “The only thing more disgusting than women in bikinis is pickled fish from Norway.”

In a surprising turn of events and after much investigative reporting, it was discovered yesterday that Fox News had bribed members of the Nobel Committee into giving Gore the award.

When asked about this, an executive with Fox spoke off the record, telling Nevada Jack: “This is great for us; all our conservative talking heads will now have something to rant about.”

Further digging shows that Erik Prince, the founder of Blackwater USA, loaned Murdock and his Fox cronies the money necessary to bride the Nobel official.

“Blackwater has been in the news too much lately,” Prince said, “We needed to do something to take the heat off us so we can continue to make money as my private army makes the world safe for selected capitalism.”

In other news, Larry Craig has been inducted into the Idaho Hall of Fame. His plaque was prominently hung next to door into the men’s room. Rumors are circulating that the Senator for Idaho has been offered a role in the sequel to Brokeback Mountain.

Walmart, in their efforts to dominate all of America, not just coast to coast but from birth to death, has entered into the marriage business. Last week a wedding was held at a store in Ohio.

Most who attended were impressed, but best man Ed Abbey refused to stand up for his friend’s nuptials. “I refuse to go in there,” he said, “I refuse to support Walmart’s intrusion into another area of our lives.”

Walmart Executives were not fazed by such comments.

“We got great plans,” according to one store manager speaking off the record. “Next month, we’re going to offer discounted divorces, cutting the prices of those local blood sucking lawyers. In the future, look to see caskets and “do-it-yourself embalming kits” out next to the lawn and garden supplies, which you can get a shovel to dig the grave. We’re even looking to put a birthing clinic next to the eye center in the front of the store. This will be great. After giving birth, the mother can go to our children’s section and pick up the necessary supplies. We’ll even allow the mother to make an application for her child’s future employment. As a Walmart Baby, they’ll get first shot at the only jobs in town come 2025.”


  1. I remember reading about that wedding and just shaking my head. I think I would rather date people from a bar than I would from Wal-Mart just because they are more likely to have better moral values. :)

  2. Ed, when I read about the wedding, my first thought was to wonder what would happen if you had received an invitation to it.

  3. Hi Sage! I thoroughly enjoyed reading your post -- the blazing fire is really cozy and your news clips are hysterical. I can totally hear Bush whining about the Nobel Prize!

  4. Ed would go only because of his sick curiousity. :-)

  5. I'm just going to throw something out there but I think Bush probably won't recieve the Nobel Peace Prize because "Peace" is the operative word in the award.

    Michele sent me.

  6. Do-it-yourself emblaming kit... ROFL!!!!


  7. I love the winter. It has just now started to get a little chilly here. Almost time to break out the hot chocolate and the extra warm blanket for the little lady and me!

  8. Good stuff, Sage. I love Nevada Jack!

    P.S. I pipck up that book at Borders, but I haven't started it yet. Should be good!

  9. Bush should try buying peace at some local store!

    3WW post was great with vivid images.

  10. Actually, a handicapped friend I speak to on the phone weekly since she is homebound and across the country and I said Al is better off in his current role. His mission is one I'd rather have than The White House!!

  11. The weather is teasing us here. It's hilarious to watch people who think when the weather hits the 60s its time to light the fire and pull out winter clothes. It's perfect outdoor weather. Loving it!

    Nice to see the insight of Nevada Jack. It does seem that Walmart is taking over the world...It is my goal to live in an area where Walmart doesn't dominate the market.

  12. You gotta love Nevada Jack....he has good stuff!

  13. Ha, I've long joked that once Wal-Mart starts renting apartments and selling cars, it will all be over.

    Earth will simply be one big Wal-Mart. Though there will still only be one checkout lane open.

  14. I'm glad one of us is looking forward to winter! :-/

    Btw, nice job getting done on Friday... it's Monday and I finally finished mine!