Monday, January 08, 2007

Please Mr. Postman

I got the dreaded letter today. I knew it was coming, but didn't want to believe it. I was hoping it would be proponed for another few months if not years or decades. But it arrived today. My hands trembled as I stuck a finger behind the envelope flap and ripped it open. It’s now official. As of next week, I’ll be an Old Fart. And the letter invited me to partake in all the benefits such status has to offer, a bimonthly magazine “packed with fascinating features on health & fitness, food, work, money, travel and more.” I can save while traveling with other Old Farts, And if I decide to take them up on the offer, I’ll help the fight to strengthen social security (I may even see some of it). I can even have my own hassle-free, no-fee Old Fart Credit Card (I suppose that means I’ll have to pay in cash if I’m to have any thought of picking up younger women). I can even get Old Fart’s insurance or supplemental insurance. I’ll be eligible for it all next week. Yes, happy days may be here once again.

Now can anybody tell me how AARP, a private organization, knows all this info about me and sends me this registration packet a week before my jubilee birthday? This is even more mind-boggling because our government’s selective service has been sending harassing mail to the house for an exchange student that was here two years ago. They’re demanding that he register for the non-existent draft. Of course, he is a she, and she is in Korea, but since she’s got a Korean name, I suppose they can be forgiven for that part of the confusion. But they haven’t learned the truth because they send a return envelope that requires a stamp and I’m cheap. AARP has a self-addressed/stamped envelope for my convenience. I just have to send them $12.50 and I’m officially an Old Fart (or will be officially one come next week, I’m guarantee admission as long as I’m beyond the 5-0 mark).

FYI: Looks like Blogger is going to have a down time for us old bloggers (those of us who are rebelling against the beta-blogger movement) tomorrow morning, so if you're not reading this tomorrow morning, you'll know why!


  1. Let me be the first to welcome you to old-farthood, Sage. It isn't as bad as it sounds....LOL

    I don't know how AARP knows when to send you the dreaded envelope - perhaps they are in league with the Social Security Admin?

    Oh, and early happy birthday!

  2. There's always hope that the young woman that you date will be a dumb one, Sage. Just make up another meaning for that acronym. I'll be pondering possible ones throughout the day. :)

  3. As an online private investigator, a wanna be anyway, you can easily find out people's age. Many sites will list your last few addresses, age, telephone number, neighbors and possibly an email address. I'm assuming AARP has access to the internet to search out Old Farts like you.

  4. Thanks Kenju for welcoming me to this wonderful new world which is, as they say, better than the alternative.

    Murf, Of course, I'm not looking, but if I was, I'd want one smart enough that they wouldn't be fooled by some new meaning of AARP

    Ed, it's scary what's available on line. I tried to post on your site today, but Blogger wan't cooperating

  5. Perhaps AARP is secretly affiliated with the IRS.

    Just the thought of whipping out an AARP Visa to buy a girl a drink had me smiling.

    American Airlines Retired Pilots... is the first thing that came to mind. Gotta be able to think on your feet.

    Kevin in AL
    Proud member of the Society for the Preservation of Old Blogger

  6. Huh. I thought all you old men wanted young, dumb ones. ;)

  7. I understand that old guys are reluctant to change, for instance to the new Blogger. I wonder if there is any truth to that?

  8. 'grats on old fartdom.

    I finally figured out how to link in new Blogger...not that hard really. Personally, I say ditch Blogger and go to wordpress :)

  9. Ooh! you make it sound like so...much fun!

  10. Bone, the vision of whipping out the AARP card... lol

    Murf, you should know better

    Kevin, yeah, I'm getting stuck in my ways

    Kontan, ditching blogger seems like so much work

    Jewaira, It sounds like you got the humor. In case others from out of the country dont, AARP is American Association of Retired People and you can join as soon as you turn 50 years old.

  11. OK, I have a plan. When I whip out my AARP Visa, I'll tell people that I'm a member of the American Association of Railroad Porters. I can say that I'm an "affirmative action" member. I'll get me a red cap. Of course, with the passage of Admendment #2 here in Michigan this past November (outlaw affirmative action within the state, except for alumni' children at state colleges), I have to tell them I'm from Indiana or North Dakota or somewhere. If I'm going to be deceitful, I might as well go all the way.

  12. 50 isn't old anymore. 50 year olds are healthy and active. I wish you hadn't even told me about this....I thought I had until 60 to get things like that!

  13. When I turned 29 my "friends" gave me a AARP JR membership...totally made up.

    Now it seems I'm only 10 years from the real deal.

    Here from Bone.