Saturday, January 06, 2007

Bad Moon Rising

It’s nice to know that Murf, the one who is so concerned over my history, is a part of the after New Year “resoluters”crowding the gym this time of the year. Reading her account of being in the gym caused me to recall yesterday evening. To understand this story, I’ll have to lay out the design of the gym that I work out at. On one side are rows of cardio-type machines. The back row contains the elliptical machines, then there’s a row of treadmills, then a row of bicycles, then a mixed row of cross-country and rowing machines.

Yesterday, I was in the back on an elliptical machine. There was a good crowd and people were on machines to both my right and left. Most of the treadmills were in use, except for the one in front of me. Then one of those “Ponytail Girls” (who raises Murf’s ire) came in and began running on the treadmill in front of me. It was a nice diversion, but I was into my book. I’m listening to David Maraniss’, They Marched into Sunlight: War and Peace in Vietnam and America, 1967. I was learning about the players in the Dow Chemical protests at the University of Wisconsin in 1967, a topic that was keeping my mind off the swinging ponytail. (And if you can believe that…)

About that time, this guy who I see quite often in the gym came in. He’s way over-weight, always looks dirty, doesn’t talk to anyone but himself and acts as if he might not be all there, if you know what I mean. He took the bike right in front of the ponytail girl that was in front of me. All a sudden, everyone started laughing. I couldn’t see, but Ms. Ponytail was having hard time staying upright on the treadmill. She had one hand over her mouth and was holding herself up with her other hand. Then, to keep from being pulled under the threadmill as in the comics, she stepped off the machine, providing me with a view that I didn’t need to see. At least six inches of the crack of the guy on the bike was exposed. It was gross! I was glad when Ms. Ponytail regained composure and resumed exercising, allowing me to finish my workout.


  1. I should've known that you would dig a bouncing ponytail. And 6 inches of crack? That's gotta be nearly the whole thing. Impressive!

  2. ICK! How disgusting. I have seen some crack at the gym, but not that much. I always move to another spot when that happens.

  3. Woah, you must have had nightmares last night! That's a sight nobody should have to see.

    Here from Michele's :) I hope you've recovered from that sight!

  4. Murf, Impressive isn't the word I would use for it.

    Kenju, after everyone regain composure, everyone looked up at the TVs

    Nikki-ann, I've recovered. I'd forgotten about it all until I read Murf's blog.

    Which brings me to question the validity of this post. Although we all laughed, I feel bad about the guy. The one time I tried to talk to him, he started yelling about something that I had no idea what he was talking about. He's must have some mental issues. He always comes in fairly late, about an hour or so before closing. Although he's still huge, he's lost a lot of weight over the past couple of years.

  5. Sounds like the Grand Canyon is now able to move and become another major attraction. ;-))

    Mark M

  6. I don't know what to say, but I'm glad I didn't take sip of my drink before reading...omg too funny. and ew.

  7. First un forced smile of sunday thanks for that ;)

    Found you via Michele ;)

  8. Ek! Think i would have vacated the treadmill! How awful. It's enough to put you off your stride isn't it!

    Here from Michele's.

  9. Hi Sage. Love your site design - I chose it too. Your post entrenches my determination never to darken a gym's entrance. I would fall off the tread mill thing and the odd smelly person would be too awful! BTW Michelle sent me.

  10. hit one of the reasons we dropped the gym membership years ago...STRANGE people...although I will admit some of the guys were pretty buff *S*

    It is fascinating that the exercise equipement (Cybex, Life Fitness, et al) folks go nuts in the late summer and Fall just to accomodate the post Christmas demand for new equipment

  11. Hey, at least he's trying :) More interested in the book that you're reading
    But it was a great anecdote. If you review the book while I'm away from the 16th to the 24th please
    send me an email with the post as I want to see if my memories match the books.

  12. Tim, at least I didn't lose sleep

    Peri, thanks

    Mark M: Thanks for stopping by, I knew you'd have some wisdom!

    Kontan & Oracle, both of your comments were pretty funny!

    Bob-kat, I had this vision of her being caught in a conveyor like the Saturday morning comics, going around and around...

    Pi, the gym isn't that bad, but like much of life, you have to take the good and bad

    Mal, good to see you back, how do you keep in such good shape to be able to keep up with your Ironman kids without going to the gym?

    Pia, I'm only about 1/3 of the way through the book (24 hours of listening), I don't review every book, but it'll probably be one that I will review as I'm enjoying it

  13. Nice blog Sage. I've enjoyed reading your stories. Now that you have reminded me. I need to get out there on my treadmill and get some walking in.

  14. Poor Ms. Ponytail. I hate the gym this time of the year. I like picking out who will stay and who will be gone in less than a month....about mid-March things look more like home. (I hate the nasty crack guys too)

  15. Say no to crack.

    I think it's about time for me to start back exercising, after my unintentional month-long holiday hiatus. But it has nothing to do with New Year's. I'm just starting to gain weight.