I was shocked to learn of the death of a classmate from Jr. High and High School. Tony died suddenly, in his sleep, last week. We were never close friends. He was in the band and that fraternity while I was the kid who couldn’t carry a tune, and ran around with those who like to march in JROTC and argue on the debate team. But I knew who he was and was shocked to read about his death on Facebook. A good friend of his, who was also a friend of mine, wrote a moving tribute. Furthermore, as Facebook tries to match you to “new friends,” it was a little haunting to see Tony’s name and picture come up in the corner of my screen the day after his death… I clicked on his profile and his privacy settings allowed me to read his news feed. I was moved by comments from classmates who’d been close friends. Tears then filled my eyes when I got to the comments written by his “little girls,” his daughters, who appear to be in their 20s. They’d just lost a father and their grief was great. Tony was 53 and, from what I knew, in good physical health. It seems as if we have lost a number of classmates in the 35 years since graduation. Of course, there were 750 or so of us and according to actuarial tables, we’re bound lose a few. Still, such deaths cause me to ponder my own mortality.
Recently I learnt that one of my closest school friend committed suicide. I simply couldn't believe it. The Swati I knew back then would have never done it. I don't know what compulsions drove her to it. Yet I feel if she had only shared with us. She has left behind two small daughters. Her parents have completely come apart. Sometimes the whys/hows never get answered.
ReplyDeleteLast month we lost two members of the running club. One, a 75 year old I knew well and with whom I ran many times, was expected. He had a brain tumor and it was terminal but when I heard while on vacation that the son of a good friend, 25 years old, had died in his sleep, that shook me. Same as you, we were not friends, I saw him in the gym, I said hello, I made a few comments to him and viceversa but his death really upset me. Thinking of his mother on mother's day, just 2 weeks later. So sad.
ReplyDeleteMy sympathies to you and prayers for his family.
ReplyDeleteIt is moments like this which should shake us from our daily routine and ponder the shortness of life and the things we should be doing.
It is always disconcerting to lose a classmate, and it will lead to much introspection and wonder about the scheme of things and where you stand in it. I'm sorry, Sage.
ReplyDeleteGautami, it's been 3 1/2 years since I lost a good friend to suicide and I still find myself asking why and wishing I could call on him to talk things over.
ReplyDeleteJust because, I know that mother must be crushed... Why do these things happen?
Randall, yes, life is shorter than I ever imagined!
Kenju, The scheme of things is that we're all getting older! But its also that life is fleeting and we're not really captains of our destiny
The first of my classmates to die actually drowned while we were in high school. I'd hung out with him only a day before and it was a shock I still remember.
ReplyDeleteWe feel others passing far more than we will regret our own...
ReplyDeleteThis is was precisely the reason why my father in law said to me yesterday he would never have a FB account. To avoid these shocks. He's 85 -but very fit and computer literate-.
ReplyDeleteOn a different matter, yesterday I had a similar shock as yours: one of my fellow bloggers from the UK (Mutley, the author of Mutleythedogsdayout -you surely saw him commenting in my blog sometime-) died last Friday peacefully in his sleep.
He was only 46 and apparently fit. He was an excellent writer and a very nice man. I can't believe he's gone.
I'm sorry that you've been through this, Sage. Your friend was very young to go too. This makes us ponder about the fragility of life. I know the feeling and I send you all my support in these moments.
Prayer & a Hug sage!
ReplyDeleteI kinda Understand,
John
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear of his passing. It sounds cliché but I'm glad he didn't suffer. So sudden, though!
ReplyDeleteYour blog header shot is amazing. I don't know how long it has been there but I'm not out on blogs much. I like FB because I've reconnected with classmates and college roommates I'd lost touch with long long ago.
ReplyDeleteI often get lost in myself thinking about my mortality. Wondering if today is your last day. I guess that is why we should never take anything for granted.
I'm sorry about your classmate. I know how close to home that always feels--same age, same basic demographics
ReplyDeleteThere were only 240 of us and the first to die was a close friend who was an undiagnosed schizophrenic--we were young and I always felt guilty because I knew there was something wrong. He was a high school football star who became progressively more quiet--and "killed" himself when we were 23--we had stayed in touch
By the time of the reunion 14 were dead that we knew about--they were from every strata of our class
It makes you feel scared. It makes you feel lucky. It makes you feel too many emotions
I like the FB memorials. It's a way a person can live on
Things like this remind me that I can't count on reaching retirement age. Instead of waiting to take that national parks road trip when I'm older, I'm taking it NOW. I could get a part-time job and earn some money this summer, which is what a lot of people think I should do, but I'm not.
ReplyDeleteNo matter how you slice it, 53 isn't very old.
ReplyDeleteThen again, 100 doesn't sound all that old to me, either.
Life's just too short.
Deaths just keep getting closer and closer to my age. I'm not ready for people my age that I know to start moving on but already it is happening. It always reaffirms that I am mortal and that I need to make good use of what time I have left. It is always nice to know that those that do leave ahead of us are missed by others. If only they could have known just how many...
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine what it's like for those girls to lose their dad at such a young age. How awful.
ReplyDeleteI'm in my 40s and I realize I won't be around forever, so I try to live and enjoy every moment of the time God's given me on earth. I feel you do, too, and that's all we can do, my friend...live and enjoy the moments.
It is sobering no matter one's age, but when we're near/at/past mid-life it seems to cause so much more reflection.
ReplyDeleteI had three guys who were all within 3 or 4 years of my age pass away in the first few months of 2010.
ReplyDeleteThe same thing happened on Facebook with one of them. It kept popping up, asking me to leave him a message. Eerie.
Then I ran into another of the guy's parents at my last 10K a couple weekends ago. There's just nothing you can say.
It definitely left me asking, why them and not me.
Sorry to hear that buddy. Mortality is something we can't live without. That holds the mysteries to God and existence.
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