Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Trashy Love Letters

I know, my Blackberry takes really crappy photos, but I didn't think this deserved me dragging out the SLR digital and besides, I have a transcription below...

For some reason recently, trash has been ending up in my front yard. It seems that every day for the past two weeks or so, I’ve picked up five or six pieces: faded receipts, cigarette packages, tissues, grocery lists, drink cups, and all kinds of things that don’t belong on the lawn. As I perform this task, I’m mumbling under my breath about the low-down litterer that either threw it out the window or has let their trash fly with the wind. But yesterday, I finally found a real treasure, a Valentine Card from a cheapskate. Not only that, a cheapskate that’s dating a litter bug, which is a good thing for with a cheapskate in the house, there will at least be less stuff to throw away. Since I have no idea who wrote this, I’m going to post it on the internet for all to see. Feel free to bookmark this site just in case you may need the right words in the future to keep a significant other from killing you. If you do that, you might want to spruce up the grammar. It was difficult to copy this word by word with my computer attempting to make corrections for me. Or, if you’re having writers block, you might use this letter as a prompt to write a reply. What would you tell the cheapskate? Whatever, I hope this trashy love letter brings a smile…

Honey i hope you don’t mind a homemade card, here’s something’s i promise…
I promise to only think about our happy future together.
I promise to never mention the negative things in our past again.
I promise to think about how you feel more often.
I promise to try to make the best out of thing’s, so we can have alot of happy years ahead.
I want to be a part of your safe place, because i love you so much!
Happy Valentine’s day!

As a shout out, The Walking Man had a poem recently that speaks to this author (whoever she may be, and I’m assuming it’s a she for guys don’t have that good of handwriting, nor do we write with green pens; however, the grammar is “guy-like.”)

Speaking of trash, I really liked how Steven Colbert handled Glenn Beck's trash talk. Great satire! Check out this clip.


  1. I assumed it was a "he" because he promises to think of how the other person feels - and that's usually a guy failing......LOL

    Serves them right to have it published here - for tossing it out where it could blow around.

  2. lol, kenju. :)) It is a ncie letter and it's good not knowing much about it so that you can build your own story behind it ... :)

  3. That sounds like something a guy would write. It's written in green because he was too cheap to buy his own pen...he stole hers...

  4. My lawn also seems to be in an eddy of wind current and I'm forever picking up trash.

    I'm siding with the others on this one. I think a guy wrote it.

  5. Kenju, are you sayig that we guys don't normally feel the pain of others? :)

    Poppy, will you write a response to this letter?

    Jen, I could buy the idea he stole her pen--although I don't like buying cards either, when I make one, it is more than a sheet of paper with green ink...

    Ed, it does seem like the litter increases in the spring, for some reason, maybe the wind

  6. Nothing surprises me anymore. The home made card idea is cool if there was creativity put into it. But green ink? Great post!!! :D)

  7. Most guys would not make a homemade card because it's much easier to got to Walgreens and get something from the .99 rack.

    Loved the Colbert report and thanks for the nod Sage, glad you got it.

  8. I live on a state highway. My ditch usually contains empty beer cans. I've never had the fortune to find poetry.


  9. I may use that!

    Sage--Great Site! Would you mind if I linked to it? I'm just now getting back out and around, and it seems the small circle I started with is consistently staying with Blogs that truly speak to me.


  10. Sage
    I love it .... that is truly a 'trash treasure.' AFter reading that poem who in the world would want that author in their safe place? Seems to me with him/her the safe place would not longer be safe. I am going to definitely side with those who think a 'girl' wrote this.

  11. It's definitely a woman that wrote that. No man would ever talk about a 'safe place' and it's not something like a deer blind and only women would keep harping on the negatives things that happened on the past. It's in our genes to do so. :-)

  12. Im not going to comment on the love letter because my hangover is so bad it will cloud my judgement. But I am going to say Hello. I dropped by, and i rREALLY like your blog Sage. Hello from Australia, from a fellow-traveller of life.

  13. You could start a whole new site. Kinda like Post Secret, except instead of sending things in on postcards, people would just wad up what they want to say and toss it in your yard.

    As for the letter, I would concur that it's a woman due to Murf's reasoning of guys never bring up negative things from the past. (Why would we? It only leads to "talking about our relationship.") Personally, I would dump her because of the bad grammar. But that's just me.