Sunday, January 16, 2011

Birds are now dropping like flies (A Nevada Jack Special)


Nevada Jack reporting

On New Years, thousands of dead black birds were discovered in Arkansas. Nobody seemed to know what was going on. Some thought they were hit by New Year fireworks. My personal opinion is that too many Arkansas kids got shotguns for Christmas. But the carnage hasn’t stopped in the Razorback State. More and more birds are now mysteriously dropping dead out of the sky. Some scientists have suggested it could be lightning bolts frying the birds in mid-air. Or maybe it’s somehow linked to global climate change or some new pesticide. But I think the real villains are bold predators that are cutting across species. This weekend saw three such mass killing of our feathered friends. In Pittsburgh, an assembly of ravens croaked after flying into a steel curtain. And in Chicago, a flock of dead seahawks were spotted on the streets. With both of these deaths, the birds in question were away from their home turf: Baltimore for the ravens and Seattle for the seahawks. In Atlanta, another disturbance occurred with a flock of falcons were found beaten to a pulp. These birds were on their home turf. Have we seen the worst of this aviary carnage? I for one hope so, before it spreads to other members of the animal kingdom. I’m worried, for I’ve heard a rumor that ruthless predators overfed with cheese-curds now have us bears in their cross-hairs. And if we are able escape, I'm afraid we'll run right into a steel curtain.

24 comments:

  1. Football? I'm not required to keep up with that stuff anymore, since I'm single.

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  2. I have to admit you had me scratching my head for a moment about all of these other birds (aside from Arkansas) because I'm not a sports fan, but it suddenly clicked. You made me smile.. thanks for that. :)

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  3. Some Sea hawks bought it today so it's not quite over.

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  4. Ah, yes....it is quite a charming post....and yeah for the Chicago Bears! Not even sure why, I really don't follow football unless it's someone in the family playing! But I think this is one great post! So very creative!

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  5. Jen, I'm not a huge fan (I'm more likely to nap than watch, except when it gets into the playoffs

    Hilary, glad to hear of the smile!

    Brian, we're looking good (as long as we're not giving up cheap touchdowns as they did with that fumble)

    Charles, yep, the Bears mauded the Seahawks!

    Karen, you've had family play in the pros?

    Harman, I am leary of visiting your sites

    Walking Guy, thanks!

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  6. I'm still bitter about the falcons. :)

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  7. I saw that a bunch of the birds are going to UW Madison to be tested :) A proud moment for me as an alumnus.

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  8. Lynn, with relations in the Atlanta area, I know your pain!

    TC, which sets of birds: the Falcons, the Ravens or the Seahawks?

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  9. Beautiful awesome-PLAY -OFF LOL-- ON Words!!!!!!


    J

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  10. Outstanding post Nevada Jack! You are a punny-funny. Personally, I'm hoping the Jets sore over the remaining contestants.

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  11. On this side of the world we don't reeeeeally get American Football as it seems more an attempt to prove some Law of physics.

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  12. Thanks for sharing, its pretty cool. This year I'm looking forward to take a break and enjoy nature as I go for vacation, well maybe after I find some South Texas Ranches For Sale. Anyway I really like your blog and i really appreciate the excellent quality content you are posting here.

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  13. We had some in Alabama, too: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/01/13/300-dead-birds-alabama_n_808477.html

    Personally, I think it was mass shock that the weathermen had correctly predicted snow for once.

    What is a packer anyway?

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  14. Reading about the dying birds, I couldn't help but me reminded of a classic quote from Dumb & Dumber:

    "We got no food, no jobs. Our pets heads are falling off!"

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  15. This is great! I think you need to post this elsewhere as well. ;-)

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  16. Ha ha ha! Good one. Although the Arkansas fish and bird thing was kind of weird...kind of creepy.

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  17. You certainly have a way with words! ;))

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  18. Actually Sage, I mean Nevada Jack, I have been hearing stories....

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