Thursday, July 06, 2006

Murf's Reference for Graduate School

Last week, Murf asked for references for grad school. I've written a lot of references in my day, but this one was particularly fun. I spent my lunch time in a coffee shop thinking of all the endearing things about Murf that I might share with her Inquisitors, (aka, graduate selection committee).


July 6, 2006

To Whom It Will Be a Concern:

I beg you to accept Murf into your graduate school. Put your prejudices aside and ignore the blue coloration of her skin, and give her a chance to study in your hallowed halls. I assure you that you and your school will never be the same and that this will mostly be for the good. I’ve known Murf for nearly a year, although we’ve never met in person (only through the internet). However, the internet provides better insight into her quirky side than you’ll find from other, more normal, references. From my observations, Murf is quick witted. She isn’t afraid to challenge right-winged bloggers and stands tall to all other women, especially those whose dresses are sized in the single digits. She may come across a tad bit jealous, but me thinks this is because she cares deeply and wants to protect her male friends who see better than they think. Sometimes she has a god complex, handing out angel wings (an act of grace) and then retracting them (equivalent to banishing someone in hell) when she thinks the recipient isn’t living up to her standards. Sometimes she’s keeps gnawing on the same bone. This has the capacity to just drive me nuts, but it’s all in her desire to arrive at the “truth.” In general, think of Murf as your “kinder, gentler psychopath.”

Murf is also a great proofreader. I’m sure she’ll turn in a proper, although slightly unorthodox, thesis complete with crossed “t’s”, dotted “i’s” and subjects and verbs in general agreement. It’ll probably be funny which, when you think about it, may mean her thesis will be read instead of collecting dust on the shelves of your hallowed library. She’s also a great teacher, directing me over the phone through the steps necessary to put links into the sidebar of my blog. I would say this showed a humanitarian effort toward a complete computer nincompoop, except that she admitted her fetish for southern accents.

Murf comes from good solid stock and, as they say, “the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree,” which in her case means she lives in the same house she grew up in. However, it’s rumored that she and her husband, in a recent remodel of her childhood home, constructed a black walled playroom in the basement. She got through this project without going to divorce court and while keeping her husband from going no more than 200% over budget (this feat demostrates her managerial abilities). As for the true purpose of this room, I'll leave that to your imagination.

One piece of advice, I’d keep her away from men in uniform, men with balding heads, men from Canada, men who play hockey, and men from the South. Actually, Murf would probably do well at a Catholic girls’ school, except that she hasn’t been able to find any with graduate programs.

Good luck, you’re going to need it if you accept her.

Sincerely,

Sage

21 comments:

  1. "In general, think of Murf as your “kinder, gentler psychopath."

    I'm still laughing! If your halo wasn't really revoked, it has been now!

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  2. This is so cool! Did murf know you were posting this? ;) Now I wonder what you might write about some of the rest of us. Might be an interesting exercise.

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  3. Ed, my halo has probably been slipped down over my neck and is being twisted.

    Tim, yes, she knew. Go to the link. Murf was wondering who might give her a reference and I suggested a contest. Then, this morning, she posted a note reminding us that our letters are due, so this is what I produced. Of course, now I got to watch my back for I'm sure she'll have something up the sleeve as payback.

    Maybe I should start a business, References, Inc, or something like that?

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  4. How about 'References Asso.'? ;-)

    I thought this was GREAT! No paybacks coming your way. If anything, it actually may have elevated my view of you. Really though, it's very interesting to see how others view me. I didn't realize the subliminal standards I have for the ones that I like were so obvious although really, you kissing a coworker while having a girlfriend was a no-brainer.

    Hmmm...'fetish' and bringing up the black playroom. Perhaps you aren't the bumbling guy that I pictured awhile back. :-)

    With that, I shall post this now and head to bed, thinking of your glorious voice. *sigh*

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  5. How could they knock anyone back with a reference such as this? Murf, does this mean he's officially earned his wings back ;)

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  6. Murf should be a sho-in with such a glowing reference.

    Here from Michele

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  7. Murf: References Asso--does the Ass-o stand for what I think it does? I do hope you found humor in my recommendation.

    Daydreamer: I don't want no more angel wings.

    Flamingess: I bet her other references weren't nearly as entertaining nor as personal.

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  8. that was brilliant!!! so funny. wonderful. i'm with tim too... makes me wonder what you'd write for the rest of us.. next time i need one i'm a beg you for a reference!

    lovely. have a great weekend babe.
    ooh and as for tea.... you certainly did revolt. and look what you did with all those supplies. noones been able to finda decent cup of tea in the states for years... bloody revolting! its in the leaves babe. with or without the milk. without decent tea leaves you're toast!

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  9. I did, babe. I still read it and chuckle at it. Not too shabby and for that, you get one wing back. :-)

    Daydreamer - Where in the sam hill have you been? I've missed my alter ego.

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  10. Keda, just let me know when you need that reference. I may have to do a bit more background checking on you, but I'm sure it'll have something about that nasty habit of putting milk into tea.

    Murf, so now I'm flying in circles? (after all, I have only one wing)

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  11. "crossed “t’s”, dotted “i’s” and subjects and verbs in general agreement"...

    ...kEwL! my kinda person!! :-)

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  12. Lol this is too funny. I would love to be able to write a letter like this one. I have on a few occassions now been asked to be a reference for someone who i fired. Duh?? Lol great job.

    Here from Michlele's

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  13. I came to cheack in on ya, but, I've ran out of time to read.

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  14. Bravo! I love that correspondence. Bet they take Murf immediately!
    Here from Michele

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  15. Karen, you're older than me which means you're way too old to use Kewl! lol

    Jennypenny, I've once had to write a letter of recommendation for someone I fired... it was an interesting experence

    The Appalachianist (formerly AI), glad you stopped by and hope you got to read about your favorite Murf. Keep yourself safe over there in Iraq.

    Cyndy, stop by again.

    I should have continued my "men candance" in the last paragraph to include: "men who drive VWs, men who wear pants, men who wear kilts, men who breath and guys (they don't have to be real men) who work at Wendy's. Suppose I wasn't fully thinking the other day.

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  16. agh, I should have made that "poets who work at Wendys."

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  17. Babe - I do dig guys who dare to be different and drive foreign cars, pants WITHOUT PLEATS OR CUFFS, kilts are intriguing, breathing is also good but I draw the line at Wendy's workers especially those who never trim their nose hair, never seem to lose weight despite the daily 10 mile bike ride to work and has a way of writing English so that it looks like a foreign language.

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  18. I must of hit a nerve... I drive a Chevy truck and wear pants--some with pleats and cluffs, some without pleats but cuffs, some without cuffs but with pleats...

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  19. If I had to choose one, I'd probably go with pleats before cuffs. Tell me you don't own slip-on dress shoes with tassels, PLEASE.

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  20. I do not own any loafers,nor any shoes with tassles but I do have some wingtips! In addition to several pair of dress shoes, and several pairs/kinds of hiking boots, and a couple of pair of running shoes for the gym, I have a collection of sandals and flipflops... :)

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  21. Oh my. This was soooooooo worth the read!!! :-D

    I think this may very well be the best thing I've read of yours, Sage. Hilarious!

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